There I was, home for a family funeral of all things, and my water breaks. I was 27 weeks pregnant with our daughter, standing in the bathroom of our hotel, frozen. Our 23 month daughter, Grace, says “Oh, no. Mommy go to hos-pi-bal?” She intuitively knew the magnitude.
After a panicked phone call to my previous OB office – because home for a family funeral means we did not live in Chicago at the time; they graciously agreed to see us. The drive, arrival at the hospital, the triage room all seems like a blur. It was then and still is now.
What was and is clear as day is the choice I made. … I was going to stay pregnant.
“Tina, your daughter has a lower chance of survival …”.
“Tina, we need to immediately begin a steroid shot and then one more in the next 24 hours and pray that she doesn’t come before the second dose …”.
“Tina, every hour you remain pregnant increases her chances of survival …”.
These were all, and more, statements made to prepare my husband and I for what everyone thought was the obvious. Our daughter would be born premature. 24 hours passed, we completed the second dose, contractions decreased, 24 hours turned to 72 hours, the 28th week passed, 29th, 30th, 31st. 32nd, 33rd, and by the 34th week we were scheduled to “induce”.
I still smile that it was called an induction. Is it an induction when it has been 7 weeks since your water broke? Yes. Yes, it is.
The choice I made to remain pregnant was a conscious choice. My mindset throughout a 7 week hospital stay was to courageously choose to hope, to imagine, to use all my senses and live in a state that I had already delivered a healthy baby girl who cried as soon as she came out.
I celebrated her one year birthday so so many times in my head. I dropped her off on her first day of kindergarten at least six times a day. I laughed with her, held conversation with her, talked her through her first sister fight … each and every day – all in my imagination. I knew what she would look like, smell like, her eye color, her personality … all because I experienced it all a thousand times over and over again throughout those seven weeks. While I know not every parent experiences the same, nor does every 27-week baby share the same story … I do know my resilience, courage, mindfulness, and manifestation is the reason I sit in my office sharing this story with each of you as I hear Vivienne laughing and running around my home.
“The body doesn’t know the difference between an emotion created by an experience you are having in the outside environment and an experience you are creating internally by embracing a new, elevated emotion.” Dr. Joe Dispenza
We can choose.